The letting go

I've been in Second Life almost two years now. I've had my times of hysteria, joy, depression, contentment and sloth. I've found out that people I thought I knew were total fantasies, existing only in the minds of some person I didn't know at all. I've met people who touched my life and made it much richer for a short time, then disappeared from my virtual radar for awhile.

Only a few times in SL have people that I felt I knew truly disappeared with no warning. One has, recently, and I find myself trying to figure out how to handle this emotionally.

My oldest SL friend, Maximx, disappeared for a number of months after we first got to know each other. He was building one day, then the next he just wasn't there. After a couple of months, he did come in and sell his land...I managed to miss him both times by minutes. He left me an offworld IM each time that he'd be gone for awhile but that we would talk. I held onto that, and after a number of months, he did come back inworld. We talked (and talked and talked) about all kinds of things, got closer on many levels, and eventually he came to visit me. We had a wonderful weekend seeing the sights of northern Alabama and southern Tennessee, including a visit to Miss Mary Bobo's. All this was done with the blessing of his wife, who I talked to while he was there. Some friends are for life....and some disappearances are justified and can be overcome. This virtual friend turned into someone that I have hugged, and I hope he and his family stay in my life for many years to come.

Another dear friend had a number of things happen coincidentally, and for whatever reason, left one day without saying anything to me, in spite of me trying everything I knew to talk to him. That was October 2006. He's been inworld once, to my knowledge, and I suspect won't be back. I think about the circumstances of that disappearance a lot, and try hard not to ever let anyone get that upset over misunderstandings - which I truly believe it was. If he is in here - I wish him the best, and hope he someday sees these words. I miss you, Owen.

Yet another 'friend' apparently made up an incredible string of misfortunes that befell him, finally ending with him not being able to afford an ISP to stay inworld. I held onto the belief, for way too long, that he wouldn't have lied to me about all these horrible things - much less to all the other people he was leaving that also believed in him. Yet time has proven that he never left SL at all, he's merely off on an alt being someone totally different than he presented himself to me. For me, he's turned into just another brick in the wall. I really hate being lied to.

Because of these experiences, and a few others not quite so extreme, I make a point of explaining how it affects me when someone disappears when we first start to connect. I believe in complete disclosure. Truth is so much easier - there's less to remember. Obviously, some cannot deal with the truth, and I need to take my oddly-shaded glasses off a bit earlier with those.

But I digress. (I do that a lot.)

The person that has disappeared this time had The Talk with me, quite intensely. He made a promise to me not to disappear without a word - not that I asked for that or expected it. So even though I know there were circumstances this time that would keep him out of SL for awhile, now that it's been over a month with no email or inworld communication, I'm left to wonder.....

How do I deal with this?

Here's my dilemma. Something serious may have happened. If so, I want to be there if at all possible to help with whatever transition there is. If I knew this was the case, I could wait a *very* long time, with no pressure or urgency.

Or, this person may have felt uncomfortable with his inworld life (involving me or not), and the circumstances that kept him away from SL may have been a convenient way to disengage, period. He could be on an alt - but that's not his style. (Yes, I am naive that way sometimes, but this time I do truly believe it.) If that's the case, the best thing I can do is....well.....disengage. For both our sakes.

So, the only real decision I have to make is, how long do I wait to let go emotionally? I'm not the type that can just decide one day that everything is overwith, if I care about someone. I need to *know* what is happening, and there is nothing I can do right now to find out.

I have no answers right now. Half of me hopes he'll show up tonight and tell me things are fine...of course. The other half of me wants to return all his things from my land and let all this angst go. Yet another half (!) knows that neither will happen, and I'll sit here, in limbo, and worry and wonder. This will continue until Something Changes.

If I could only make that change happen NOW...but alas, my magic wand is broken. I guess this is how patience is learned. I don't know what will change, but something will. It always has. The change may just be more scar tissue forming, I just never know.

*heavy sigh*

Please don't leave the people you care about wondering. Maybe SL is a 'just a game' to you. But to some of us, it is not - it is far more. It is a way to meet people and touch lives. The only way to earn respect is to show it. Consider that when you want to drop everything in here and leave.

Each of you has the right to leave. But I personally do not feel you have the right to leave those that care for you wondering if you are dead. We, as your friends, have the responsibility of respecting your wishes. So please, respect our feelings.

Besides, if you do leave me wondering like that, and I happen to run into you in any other world - virtual or not - I may be inclined to hunt you down and kill you, over and over, slowly. So be warned. (Yeah...I'm joking....sorta....)