Transitions

Today marks two years I've been in Second Life. It's been quite the ride. I've met some truly wonderful people who have changed the course of my life. Several times, when my Darkness starts to get too deep to handle, I have hung onto the words of my friends here. If I had to do it all over, I'd change nothing.

(Just as an aside - yes, I digress - I am absolutely thrilled to see that Owen is back in SL, just days after I mention him in my blog! Coincidence? Probably - but who cares. :) I haven't gotten a chance to catch up with him yet, but we shall, very soon. )

Many thanks, again, to Garrett Larkham for my Rez Day tribute, published yesterday to my surprise. For one of the few times in my life (any life!), I was speechless. Garrett - well done. I'll say no more. :)

One of the things I've often been asked in SL is, what keeps you coming back. The obvious answer is, the people. However, it's more than that. SL is a microcosm that is an excellent analogy to, well, real life. Things happen faster here - some things are far more obvious, such as manipulation. Other things are just so much easier inworld than outside, like, say, moving from place to place. (How many times have you wished you could just teleport from work to home?)

Many come here with no idea what they are seeking. Some come to find a relationship, or for financial gain, or just to pass the time. Some are here to do the things they can no longer do in real life, for whatever reason. Some, like me, just stumble in here with no concept of what a virtual world can be. But for those that have stuck around for awhile, there is something in SL that fills some sort need we have that we don't know how to fill otherwise.

So it's not surprising that a large portion of the people in SL are in transition of some kind. I've seen relationships blossom and marriages crumble; I've watched people who are too afraid to get out of their house in real life blossom in SL and learn to handle interaction with people that they possibly never would have without SL. I've watched people move across oceans to be with someone they met inworld and found their happiness. Those are the extreme transitions. There are so many other kinds, though.

It took me awhile to understand what it is that draws me to certain people in SL, but others - while interesting and fun to be with - just don't touch me in the same way. It is, in a single word, transitions.

Maximx, my oldest SL friend, is truly one of the happiest people I have ever met. Don't get me wrong - he's happy, not perky. :) Whether he is my widdle dwagon angel trying to keep me on the straight and narrow, or working on his latest build or we're just out flying dragons, one thing is constant with him - the glass is always half-full...or in his case, more like 99% full.

But even Maximx has had some serious transitions to work through, and I believe that SL - and the friendships he's found in here - have helped him with that. He's certainly given me a unique look at how healthy people handle transitions. Some of his words to me are what have kept me sane these last two years, and I will hold onto them forever.

My own journey through SL has seen me leave graduate school after finally acknowledging that it wasn't where I wanted to be, and move across country to do something I've never tried before. I felt at one time that I had lost a very dear friend, but we found each other again, and are stronger in a different way for it. I have learned how to set some boundaries in SL that I never could in real life - and it has made a huge difference in my life.

I have grown as a person here in ways that I don't think I would have otherwise. My friends out there - thank you for what you have given me, and I hope we continue this journey together for a very long time.

Today, at the two-year mark, most of us are still in transition, and the end is a long ways off. But at least we are in this together.

And that, as has been said so much better by Robert Frost, has made all the difference.

Book Meme - modified

I'll warn you up front. I don't forward emails that promise eternal youth, psychic powers, or world peace. I don't want to know who of my friends loves me enough to send my emails out to twelve other people. And I won't tag people in blogs. :) It's a personal thing.

Now, having said that, I am going to shamelessly copy Garrett's book meme, and look on page 123 of the book nearest my computer. I need to find the fifth sentence, then copy the next three sentences.

The book is Extreme Sudoku. No - I'm not making that up. However, there are not five sentences on any page - much less page 123. So let's try again.

Oh wait - there is one. "Great Moments in Sex", by Cheryl Rilly. This was left from my year-long hosting of Sex Trivia in Extasia, which has been discontinued recently. Speaking of, I no longer have a viable venue for Sex Trivia - if anyone is interested in having me host it somewhere, just IM me. It's my own format, and it is unique to SL, as far as I know.

But I digress. (No - I won't say it.)

Page 123, fifth sentence - ah, here we go. So the next three sentences are:

"1954 The problem with seamless nylons is unsightly sagging around the ankles. When heat-shaping is introduced, Hanes raises a leg - actually two - to announce form-fitting hose. A happy model lies on her back, butt to the readers, her legs lifted in a wide V to show how well they fit, of course, while her skirt obeys gravity and reveals a stocking top."

And there you have it. :) That was fun. And no, no tagging, no nothing. :) Enjoy!

The letting go

I've been in Second Life almost two years now. I've had my times of hysteria, joy, depression, contentment and sloth. I've found out that people I thought I knew were total fantasies, existing only in the minds of some person I didn't know at all. I've met people who touched my life and made it much richer for a short time, then disappeared from my virtual radar for awhile.

Only a few times in SL have people that I felt I knew truly disappeared with no warning. One has, recently, and I find myself trying to figure out how to handle this emotionally.

My oldest SL friend, Maximx, disappeared for a number of months after we first got to know each other. He was building one day, then the next he just wasn't there. After a couple of months, he did come in and sell his land...I managed to miss him both times by minutes. He left me an offworld IM each time that he'd be gone for awhile but that we would talk. I held onto that, and after a number of months, he did come back inworld. We talked (and talked and talked) about all kinds of things, got closer on many levels, and eventually he came to visit me. We had a wonderful weekend seeing the sights of northern Alabama and southern Tennessee, including a visit to Miss Mary Bobo's. All this was done with the blessing of his wife, who I talked to while he was there. Some friends are for life....and some disappearances are justified and can be overcome. This virtual friend turned into someone that I have hugged, and I hope he and his family stay in my life for many years to come.

Another dear friend had a number of things happen coincidentally, and for whatever reason, left one day without saying anything to me, in spite of me trying everything I knew to talk to him. That was October 2006. He's been inworld once, to my knowledge, and I suspect won't be back. I think about the circumstances of that disappearance a lot, and try hard not to ever let anyone get that upset over misunderstandings - which I truly believe it was. If he is in here - I wish him the best, and hope he someday sees these words. I miss you, Owen.

Yet another 'friend' apparently made up an incredible string of misfortunes that befell him, finally ending with him not being able to afford an ISP to stay inworld. I held onto the belief, for way too long, that he wouldn't have lied to me about all these horrible things - much less to all the other people he was leaving that also believed in him. Yet time has proven that he never left SL at all, he's merely off on an alt being someone totally different than he presented himself to me. For me, he's turned into just another brick in the wall. I really hate being lied to.

Because of these experiences, and a few others not quite so extreme, I make a point of explaining how it affects me when someone disappears when we first start to connect. I believe in complete disclosure. Truth is so much easier - there's less to remember. Obviously, some cannot deal with the truth, and I need to take my oddly-shaded glasses off a bit earlier with those.

But I digress. (I do that a lot.)

The person that has disappeared this time had The Talk with me, quite intensely. He made a promise to me not to disappear without a word - not that I asked for that or expected it. So even though I know there were circumstances this time that would keep him out of SL for awhile, now that it's been over a month with no email or inworld communication, I'm left to wonder.....

How do I deal with this?

Here's my dilemma. Something serious may have happened. If so, I want to be there if at all possible to help with whatever transition there is. If I knew this was the case, I could wait a *very* long time, with no pressure or urgency.

Or, this person may have felt uncomfortable with his inworld life (involving me or not), and the circumstances that kept him away from SL may have been a convenient way to disengage, period. He could be on an alt - but that's not his style. (Yes, I am naive that way sometimes, but this time I do truly believe it.) If that's the case, the best thing I can do is....well.....disengage. For both our sakes.

So, the only real decision I have to make is, how long do I wait to let go emotionally? I'm not the type that can just decide one day that everything is overwith, if I care about someone. I need to *know* what is happening, and there is nothing I can do right now to find out.

I have no answers right now. Half of me hopes he'll show up tonight and tell me things are fine...of course. The other half of me wants to return all his things from my land and let all this angst go. Yet another half (!) knows that neither will happen, and I'll sit here, in limbo, and worry and wonder. This will continue until Something Changes.

If I could only make that change happen NOW...but alas, my magic wand is broken. I guess this is how patience is learned. I don't know what will change, but something will. It always has. The change may just be more scar tissue forming, I just never know.

*heavy sigh*

Please don't leave the people you care about wondering. Maybe SL is a 'just a game' to you. But to some of us, it is not - it is far more. It is a way to meet people and touch lives. The only way to earn respect is to show it. Consider that when you want to drop everything in here and leave.

Each of you has the right to leave. But I personally do not feel you have the right to leave those that care for you wondering if you are dead. We, as your friends, have the responsibility of respecting your wishes. So please, respect our feelings.

Besides, if you do leave me wondering like that, and I happen to run into you in any other world - virtual or not - I may be inclined to hunt you down and kill you, over and over, slowly. So be warned. (Yeah...I'm joking....sorta....)

Music in SL - an outsider's perspective

Today I've been ruminating on one of my favourite things - music. Since I now actually work for a living again (rather than going to graduate school, a rather masochistic thing in itself), I listen to music at work to filter out the stuff going on around me. I've started bringing my CDs to work to rip when I get bored with what I already have...eventually I'll have everything ripped.

Now, I'm no performer. I have taken many years of piano lessons, and played French horn in college - in concert band, marching band, brass choir and orchestra. So I know the terminology and the basics. I just don't have "It". I don't even know what "It" is - I just know that I've played with people that have "It", and I don't.

"It", to me, is a combination of some magical raw talent and the creativity to do something with it. One of my fellow horn players in college was absolutely amazing. If I had his talent, I'd never have done anything but play. Others had some part of "It", and on occasion everything came together and magic would happen.

But I digress. (I do that a lot.) Getting back to SL music.....

Only a few times in SL have I heard performers with "It". Every once in awhile, someone will do something - hit the right combination of notes, or create the right sound, or utter lyrics that somehow touch my heart - and magic happens. It is those performers that I keep going back to again and again, just waiting for that next time.

There is a reason that I have consistently hosted music shows with the same three performers - Fable, Song and Chronic. I know that with the three playing together, it is almost guaranteed that we'll have some of those magical moments. And, for some reason, each of them seems to play over and above their usual abilities when they play together.

Fable is a world unto herself. You just cannot be sad when Fable sings - you can hear the joy in her soul when she sings. I've watched her grow over the last year both as a person and a musician, and it has been a lovely trip. Her songwriting has matured wonderfully, and her guitar work is magnitudes better now than when she started. Her first gig on SL was for me, at my home venue way back when, with Song and Chronic. She even crashed my sim! (I'll remember that hot air balloon for a LONG time!)

But in particular, Song and Chronic seem to feed each other. They both enjoy obscure covers, and both are just incredible musicians; I could listen to just their guitar and be quite happy. The unusual format of the shows I host (30-minute alternating sets) came about because Song thought he and Chronic would feed each other, and he was spot on. I can hear how pumped they each get as the sets progress. This format is unique to SL, as far as I know. After the show in January, Chronic stayed at Max's and DJ'ed for all of us, introducing us to some totally new music. He was there for hours! We had a blast.

Another thing that I look forward to with these three musicians is the new things they play. I know that at any show I hear from Song or Chronic, there will be something in there that I have either never heard before, or heard very few times. Chronic is always creating something new, and one never ever knows what Song will cover next - both have surprised me over and over. Chronic has even played my beloved Emerson Lake and Palmer! From the Kinks to Guided By Voices to Syd Barrett...nothing is sacred. :)

This brings me back to music in SL in general. I go to a few shows as time permits, and I gotta tell ya - most of them sound the same. I hear the same covers, by the same performers, time and time again, and it's hard to distinguish. There are some really captivating musicians out there - Lyn Carlberg played for me last Sunday, and was fantastic, and Rocket Docherty has played for me a few times and has that magic, too - but the majority just don't....well....have "It". Maybe I'm just getting set in my ways, or perhaps I just expect something different than the hordes that attend these shows regularly - I dunno.

I'm not posting this to offend anyone. I do attend shows by various musicians when I can, just hoping for that "It" moment to hit. It may be that I'm not attending the *right* shows; if so, point me in a direction!

Oh...I cannot end this diatribe without one more quick plug for another group of musicians that have played for me once - their only time on SL so far. This is the Dreamscapes Project, which you can read about in great gory detail at http://www.thedreamscapesproject.com/. The funny-lookin' one in the front on that introduction page picture works just two desks away from me, which is why I got involved with 'em. Keith is an incredibly talented musician, and one of the most intelligent people I've met in a long time. He doesn't think outside the box; he just has no box. The group was playing at a local bar, and let me stream them into SL. In fact, they debuted Max's White Orchid Club on January 4th. It was a first for SL, and for the group too. I hope to get them back inworld someday soon...stay tuned, and I'll announce it here.

Neit Tales - It Begins

Yes, it's true. After two years in Second Life, I've given in to peer pressure and have started a blog.

Special thanks (and raspberries soon, I suspect) go to Garrett Larkham for giving me that final push. Garrett kinda/sorta, well, won me at an auction last Sunday, on the Saints of Hell sim, run by the biggest baddest virtual bikers in cyberspace during our 2008 Bike Week (still going on!). The world may never be the same again.

Now that I have Garrett looking for all the *good* music, and have explained butterfly hunts, how I got my new real-life job, and why all my experiences in SL are just as real to me as the requirements I'm writing at work...oh, and showed off my jewelry (created by Random Calliope, the second-best artist in SL, who created the lovely set I'm wearing in my profile picture) and my dragons (created by Daryth Kennedy, the best artist in SL, Fire is shown here)...maybe we'll actually find time for that date he won.

Then, that leaves the date I have with Rufus Afarensis, who was bidding against Garrett for me in the auction, and who I turned around and 'bought' for myself.

Having both of them at my live music event, at Max's White Orchid Club (built by Maximx Sansome, one of the best builders in SL and my oldest SL friend and now RL friend), on Sunday was great. Three of my favourite people in SL - Fable Sinatra, Song Clanger and Chronic Skronski - performed for us, along with a new addition, Lyn Carlsberg. They were amazing - as always. I think both Garrett and Rufus enjoyed the sim-maxed show.

I'm sure I'll have lots more to say soon, so stay tuned!